Why Kurt Hummel Avoids Sexual Conversations
by Victoria1127
Summary: Jesse and Kurt's second date leads to a strange sexual encounter. Sequel to Why Kurt Hummel Avoids the Circus.


For Maple Fabby

I had been on exactly one date with a boy before, and it didn't really go well.

Jesse had no way of knowing that monster clown would attack me with a Chihuahua balloon, and I am fully aware of that fact. And if we decided to never speak of that incident again, I would be completely content with that. I was sure that at the end of the date, when Igot out of Jesse's car, it would very well be the last time I saw him, considering how unattractive it is to be mistaken for your date's son during a crazed clown attack, or seeing your date cowering and weeping on the ground, surrounded by giggling children. So I really thought a second date was unlikely. But Jesse St. James is never one to be predictable, I find.

I was in the living room with my dad, Carole, and Finn, eating supper. It's seriously one of the most awkward parts of my day. See, I connect with my dad because we just always have. I connect with Finn because we're in Glee together and as only children in our original set-family, we really liked the idea of having a brother around. I connect with Carole because she is the only sane person in the house and we cook together sometimes. Somehow, though, the four of us all sitting at a table together just doesn't mesh like it should.

So of course, few things could make this situation more awkward. But Jesse is impressive in that if anyone could up the awkward factor, it was him.

Our dining room table sits in front of a large picture window that faces the west, and when we eat, we are usually treated to a beautiful sunset. As we ate in the customary silence, the unthinkable happened.

And if you're thinking, "Jesse St. James crawled down from your roof and attached himself to your picture window with hand-and-foot suction cups like Spiderman" you would be absolutely stalkery. And completely right.

I was personally horrified, as I had just cleaned that window a few days before. Finn jumped up.

"I'm getting the gun." He insisted like the neanderthal he is. I stopped him.

"No!" I jumped up and ran outside. Finn was on my heels. "Jesse!" I called to him. He un-suctioned himself from the window. "What are you doing?"

"I wanted to know if you would go out with me again." Oh, he was sweet.

"Are you fucking kidding me, dude? You stay away from my brother!"

I put a hand on Finn's chest. "Easy, cowboy. Let me handle this." Finn tried to protest, but I wasn't having it. Not when Jesse St. James was standing in front of me looking positively adorable. He took a step back and crossed his arms, pouting. I turned to Jesse. "You still wanna date me after our disastrous date?" I asked him doubtfully.

"Oh, it wasn't that bad, Kurty. And yes, I had a good time, and you're still too cute for words, and that ass is still to die for." Finn was visibly uncomfortable with this statement.

"And…why the suction cups?"

"I got your attention, didn't I?"

He had a point. His theatrical way of going about things was just like a man after my own heart. "You may or may not be my soulmate."

He grinned and pulled me close to him for a kiss. Our lips had barely touched when Finn stepped in between us. "Come on, Finn!" I pleaded with him.

"You trust this guy after what he did to Rachel?"

"Well, yeah. I just do."

Finn looked at Jesse for a long minute. "I'm not okay with this."

Jesse stared back intensely. "Noted."

"If you get him pregnant, I'll murder your dick-loving ass faster than you can say 'broadway', you got that?"

Oh, Finn. "I don't have a uterus, Finn." As a junior in high school, I suspected that No Child Left Behind had hurt Finn more than it helped him.

Finn turned to me. "I have no idea what that is, I just know that I'm not ready to be an uncle, and this jokester isn't going to take advantage of you."

I looked at Jesse with a look that I hoped clearly conveyed the message, _Just go with it. Please._

As if he read my mind, he held out his hand for Finn to shake and said, "I will take good care of your brother tonight, okay? I promise. I will be a perfect gentleman."

Finn begrudgingly shook his hand. "Have him back before midnight. Got that?" God, he was worse than my dad.

"Yes, Finn." Jesse replied, nodding.

We made it all the way to Jesse's car before we busted into peals of laughter. "Is he really that stupid?" Jesse asked me.

"Okay, one thing you have to know about me: I'm very protective of my family. Don't call my brother stupid." It was something he had to know if we were ever going to work out. "And Finn is naïve. It's pretty funny, most of the time."

"Oh, so it runs in the family?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What runs in the family?"

"Being naïve."

"I'm not!"

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Tell me what you know about sex, Kurt."

Oh, God. "You promised Finn you'd be a gentleman tonight, Mr. St. James." I said cheekily, mostly avoiding the question. "Now, are we gonna sit in my driveway all night, or are we going somewhere?"

"Let's go to my house."

Yikes. "Okay."

When we got to Jesse's house, I met his mother, Brenda, who was a sweet, small lady that had none of Jesse's confidence but all of his good looks. We chatted politely for several minutes before Jesse informed her that we were going to hang out in his room, and he dragged me by the hand to get there.

His room was smaller than I expected it to be, completely overtaken with trophies. Jesse flopped onto his bed and I followed suit.

"So, you never answered my question, Kurt."

"Which was?"

"What do you know about sex?"

This is not something I'm generally comfortable discussing. I mean, of course it's a fact of life, and it doesn't gross me out or anything, but as a virgin and a gay guy, the subject is just barely out of my reach of security. "I know enough to get by at my experience level."

"You're a virgin, Kurt."

"How do you know?" Am I really that obvious?

"Kurt. I mentioned sex and you clenched your legs together and blushed."

"Fair enough…"

"So…do you have any fantasies?" Jesse was trying to tempt me and I could tell. He ran a long, slender finger from my shoulder to my elbow and grinned at me.

"No, how about you?" This was definitely a lie.

Jesse licked his lips. "None at all?" He kissed me. It was very sexy, and when it ended I was breathless. "Because I think I could make one up for you."

The fact that there was already a tent big enough to fit Heath Ledger AND Jake Gyllenhaal forming in pants did nothing to help the situation. "W-what do you mean?" God. I really stuttered. And I'm not even Asian.

He smiled at me. "Oh…I don't know…" he kissed along my jawline. "I've always thought you'd be the type to like it just a little bit rough…or maybe you'd like me to beg for it…or to make you beg…tell me…" he whispered in my ear, "do you like…to be teased?"

I shivered. His hot breath in my ear and my pants being about to blast into orbit kept me on the edge and I didn't know what to do about what was happening. "I…don't know. What do you like?"

He chucked deeply into my ear. "I like the idea of making you squirm…I wanna drive you crazy. And I want to hear you beg for it." He ran his tongue from my ear lobe to my collarbone. It was definitely driving me nuts. "Say please."

"Please what?"

"I want to hear the words, 'Please fuck me' come out of your pretty little mouth."

I'm not proud of myself for what happened next.

"Ohh…Godddd…Ohhh…Noooo…"

Yep. I pulled a Finn Hudson and jizzed my pants like it was going out of style.

Which in itself is a strange statement, because I know the history of fashion, and pants-jizzing is never a good addition to an outfit.

Jesse giggled at me and agreed to drive me home in my humiliation. As he walked me to the door, I asked, "Is this a deal breaker for you? Me being so…inexperienced?" I know I was blushing about 10 shades of red.

"Are you kidding? It's sexy as hell." He kissed me softly on the mouth. "I'll call you."

"I'll be waiting." I grinned. I turned and headed into the house. Finn was standing in the kitchen, waiting.

Upon seeing me, he said, "Oh, my God."

"What?"

"You…you…you need to change your pants, don't you?"

Holy hellll. "What makes you think that?"

"Red cheeks. Nervous look. Pants jutting out at the crotch as though you've been holding it out there. You face is getting redder. I'm gonna kill that Jesse St. James."

"How do you know all that?"

"I'm an expert."

"Oh."

"Come on, I'll get the washing detergent that makes the inside of your pants softer for these occasions."

Only Jesse would find a way to make me and Finn bond over dried cum in my jeans. Had to hand it to him, he would definitely keep things interesting.


End file.
